Koh Samui

Tuesday, April 19

Because of the tropical storm moving through the area, wind speeds were higher than normal, and the sea was choppy. We got to the ferry dock with plenty of time and eyed the rain clouds- hoping they’d let us get settled on the next island before breaking. After over an hour delay we finally boarded for the 30 minute ride to Koh Samui. Especially after experiencing how calm the last two ferry rides had been, this one was especially bouncy and I worried that we’d tip over or that I’d barf, or both. By the time we disembarked and got a taxi to our hotel, it still hadn’t rained but the sky was dark and ominous.

We’ve developed a bad habit of not figuring out what activities to do in a place until we arrive to the place itself. Koh Samui, like the other Kohs (islands) in Thailand’s gulf, also has turquoise water and white sand beaches, with a dense jungle in the middle. Unlike the other islands, Koh Samui is more developed. As the taxi drove us around and we saw real streets and shopping malls we realized how remote the other islands had felt. Unfortunately, for tourism’s sake, Koh Samui seems like the fancier island for resorts and richer tourists. In these early days post-COVID it feels like the only tourists are the young or the fully retired, but mostly backpackers with low budgets. So although Koh Samui should’ve been the busiest island, it felt especially like a ghost town as all the glamorous resorts and stores were empty or closed. We decided to regroup before trying to find a travel agency to see what activities would be worth doing.

When we checked in to our hotel, Baan Samui Resort, they gave us pineapple juice in champagne glasses and a cold towel that smelled like jasmine! It was a magical surprise. We chugged the juice and held onto the towels like they were cherished baby blankets while they showed us to our room which was steps away from the pool and the beach.

We decided to hang out by the pool until it rained, but then it never rained! So we enjoyed the slightly cooler weather and gave ourselves permission to do nothing.

We realized we were suffering from traveler’s burnout: when nothing sounds fun anymore, nothing feels genuine, people hassle you because they think you have money and in reality you’re going broke day by day…We were probably just having a long hangover, existential crisis post full moon. Also, of all the first world problems, traveler’s burnout has got to be the most non-problem type of problem. Still, we recognized the need to slow down and do something mundane like binge watching terrible Netflix shows.

When we got hungry we walked along the main street. Most things were still shuttered. Tourist agencies had their roofs falling in. Restaurants were closed. Bars opened later. Massage parlors seemed to be the only thing open and every place we walked by they yelled ‘massage? massage??’. Normally I wouldn’t want to stay in a resort near a mall but with everything else closed because of COVID, the mall was one of the few places we could go. It was also shady and cool so we could walked around it for a bit. We ended up getting grocery store sushi and some Thailand-produced IPAs from the Whole Foods-like grocery store in the mall.

Later we got dinner at the resort’s restaurant and it was fine. The shrimp was mealy but the chicken was a little better than normal. Back in our room we watched ‘Is it Cake?’ and balked at the audacity of Johnny Hats putting fake tomatoes on the taco decoys. I had mixed emotions because on the one hand I think he totally cheated but on the other he’s obviously the nicest guy on the show.

Wednesday, April 20

Weather forecasted another day of rain. We got breakfast at the resort restaurant, giving them another chance. For 200 baht ($6) per person we got coffee, tang, water, pineapple, watermelon, cantaloupe, toast, eggs, bacon, chicken hot dogs?, and cold ham slices. The bacon was surprisingly good and we realized we haven’t had bacon since we left the US, so that was a nice treat. The chicken hot dogs and ham rolls weren’t terrible, but wouldn’t ask for those again unless I was feeding a stray dog or cat under the table.

We had another chill day by the pool and took advantage of the resort’s stunning WiFi to check in with some friends and family. Then we went back to the mall looking for tourist information. We found an open air shop that had dozens of pamphlets displayed. We picked up a few and the women working there helped us to decipher differences between the limited options. We chose an elephant spa tour for the following afternoon.

As we left the mall, it finally started to rain. We ducked into a massage place. I got the back and shoulder special with tiger balm and Carl got the standard Thai massage. The last Thai massage that we got in Bangkok had been a bit brutal as they tried to stretch and contort our not flexible bodies into impossible yoga poses. This place was better, but they still tried to twist me too much at the end and I had to say “that’s not for me, thanks!” It was a great way to kill an hour of time as it continued to pour rain outside.

On our walk back we stopped at Tropical Murphy’s pub for a couple of happy hour drinks. Using the WiFi from our hotel next door we did some travel planning while we sipped on cheap margs and beers. Afterward we walked across the street to a place offering 90 baht Thai food for happy hour. We got curry and noodles (same thing we always order it seems) and it was pretty good, especially for the price. Back at the hotel we had some more pool time and watched a cheesy movie before venturing out later to get a late dinner. We ended up going to a fancy burger place called Stacked Burger that was overpriced but really good. We got a cowboy burger that had onion rings and a Thai burger that was a pork patty with a fried egg and Thai flavorings.

Thursday, April 21

We went over to the mall to a place called Coffee Club for breakfast. We got coffees, eggs Benedict with salmon, and an açaí smoothie bowl.

Around 1pm a van came to pick us up for our tour. It took about 30 minutes to drive to the other side of the island, to the elephant sanctuary. When we got out they directed us to a table piled with fruit (passion fruit!!), cookies, and soft drinks. A very animated guide named Pong came over and spoke about the sanctuary and the elephants. He was SO enthusiastic and kept breaking off into jokes that didn’t always land. We realized he was stalling for time, but it didn’t really bother us and we just went with the flow.

Also on the tour was an Australian couple, a French couple and their daughter, and an Israeli family that had two daughters with them. The Israeli family had been waiting at the sanctuary when our van arrived with the rest of us, and the dad was very annoyed that they’d had to wait. Our guide gave him an ear to ear smile and said things like “don’t worry so much! You’re on vacation! You should smile!” And you can imagine what an already annoyed (and miserably sweaty) dad of two complaining girls did when he was told to smile (he didn’t). It was like watching a Vince Vaughn movie and the annoyed dad actually made the goofy, over-the-top guide seem even funnier.

They wrote our names on our arms in Thai which helped the non-English speaking workers call to us later on. Then we were given rice, pumpkin, and banana and told to mush everything together into food balls to feed to the elephants.

Finally we went out into the field and fed the elephants our handmade rice balls and some bananas. The sanctuary has three elephants: the largest is a female that is 30 years old, the smallest is a female that is 5 years old. They both have Thai names that I couldn’t pronounce or remember. The middle one, named Johnny, is 7 years old and has tiny little tusks. Among Asian elephants only the males have tusks so the staff called Johnny their lady boy because he was stereotypically prepubescent. He also was the hardest to coral from spot to spot, but the handlers didn’t seem to care too much as they yelled and moved through the forest like “fine eat that bush but then follow us this way”.

After the feeding we walked into the forest and the elephants grazed on the bushes around us. It wasn’t well explained that we were just walking into the forest to hang out with the elephants for a bit and when the Israeli family realized there was no planned activity they became annoyed. The rest of us marveled at the chance to go on a little walk with these ridiculously large creatures. The charismatic guide told us more about elephants and had us smell their poop, which smells like mulch. We watched the big mama ellie rub her belly against a palm tree as she annihilated a bush that she munched on.

When we walked back we got into our swimsuits and went over to the mud bath to rub mud on the elephants and ourselves. The mud was so soft and it was so cool to just hang out with a giant elephant in the mud. Then they led us over to the creek where we rinsed off the elephants and ourselves. The younger girl elephant was like a little kid in a tub – she loved the mud and the water and she seemed to enjoy goofing around with the humans trying to pet and cuddle her.

After we got out of the water they gave us fresh towels and directed us to pretty nice showers. We killed some more time looking at photos and drawing on the walls (they asked us to) before loading into the van. They took us to a restaurant on the top of a hill that had 180 degree views of the island.

We got a brief cooking lesson on how to make Pad Thai. The secret, we learned, is all about the tamarind sauce that’s used. Of course, they didn’t tell us how they made their tamarind sauce. I guess they have to keep the tourists coming back for more somehow. Then they served us dinner of Pad Thai, rice, spring rolls, soup, and fried chicken. We ate and talked to the other tourists as we watched the sun go down over the ocean.

As we talked about our travels we realized we had all ridden elephants on mainland Thailand before and now felt very guilty for having done this because of how the elephants are treated at those types of places. The elephant spa was my fourth time doing some kind of elephant tour and it was by far the most interactive activity in addition to treating the elephants humanely and with respect. I highly recommend this tour to anyone that comes to Thailand and wants to see elephants. I hope the success of tourist activities that respect elephants like this one start to pull demand away from the places that mistreat them. Besides being more humane, feeding and bathing elephants was way more fun than riding one, and we felt like we learned more and got to know their personalities better. We also helped break our travel-funk by knowing we were putting money toward a really good cause.

So if you or someone you know goes to Thailand make sure you go to Koh Samui’s elephant spa! (Instagram: samuielephant_spa)

The van took us back to our hotels and just before we got to ours we asked to jump out because we wanted to check out the night market. We were so full from dinner that it was like torture to see all the delicious street foods. We got some mango and coconut sticky rice for desert later and walked back to our hotel. We ate desert while packing and binge watching ‘Is it Cake?’ There were more people messing with the decoys so I guess Netflix ruled that behavior as ‘not cheating’ though I’d disagree.